...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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