Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
