I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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