My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
