It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
