Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Randomize
