Life is so much better after having sex.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
