I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
