Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
4 words: hood of his car
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
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