i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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