I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
