Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
