why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
