Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
