is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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