singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
