I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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