His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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