At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
She bit a glass in half.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
