Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
