I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
