It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
