I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
