The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
