from now on my penis is your penis
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
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