dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
The air was thick with penises
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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