if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
There are leaves in my underwear?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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