Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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