Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
i want to swaddle you in tequila
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
how does that bad decision feel?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
