I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
