just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
