thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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