He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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