You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Randomize
