now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
