@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
