After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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