WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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