Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Randomize
