If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Randomize
