I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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