During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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