If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize