3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
He has the fingertips of a God
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