sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
