I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
