Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
