I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
