I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
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I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
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Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
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