Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
