just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
