Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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