I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
