I'm sorry my penis didn't work
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
