I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
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