Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
