we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
