You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
