is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Randomize
