My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
