Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize